Money can be a polarizing subject to discuss. We all have different perspectives, attitudes, goals, and habits when it comes to how we think about money—and how we use it. Ultimately, money is a tool that we each have the opportunity to put to use for a more noble purpose.

Conversations around the use of money can become even more divisive in the context of family. Our families see the best and worst of us, can love us the best and hurt us the most, and play a huge role in shaping what our lives ultimately look like. Conversations about money in the mix of family life can quickly highlight competing goals, desires, and attitudes. However, these conversations can also be an opportunity for a family to come together for a united purpose. Families that have conversations about money set themselves up well for handling the financial stresses of life that are sure to come.

There are many ways for a family to come together around finances and many goals they can attempt to reach together. In the conversations we have with those we serve at Servant Solutions, we have the opportunity to see the many different ways people approach their finances as a family. The families that are successful all share similar characteristics. Here are three action steps that help families stay unified in their finances and decision-making:

1. Define a Purpose and a Plan

Families that are able to keep the stress level around finances low have a purpose or goal they are trying to reach and a plan for how they are going to get there. When each family member is in agreement with the purpose and plan, they see the reason why they are working towards the goal. All family members have a different role to play in reaching the goal, and they understand what each individual must do to accomplish the goal. For example, a family has a goal of getting out of credit card debt in one year so they can all go on a vacation together in two years. This will require Dad or Mom to work four extra hours on Saturdays for extra income, but it will also require the kids to help around the house on Saturdays to help eliminate the stress that may come with their parents working extra. The reward is the family vacation—and more time as a family—once the credit card debt is paid off.

2. Intentionally Communicate and Set Expectations

Families that are successful together with their finances are open about where they are at financially. These families have regular times that they sit down to discuss finances and make sure they are on track and sticking to the plan they have already put in place. Successful families include each family member in the process, including the kids. Continuing with the above example, a family will get together every other Friday to make sure they are on track with paying down their debt and sticking to their spending plan. This is also a way for the parents to set expectations with each other and with their children about the next week or two and how much they will be able to eat out or if they will be able to go to the movies as a family. Kids learn a great deal about financial management when they can actively participate in the family’s financial conversations and see their parent’s leadership in how they manage their money. Obviously, there will be conversations that are only held between the parents, but most financial conversations have an element in which the kids can participate.

3. Give Grace and Persevere in Difficulty

It is highly unlikely that a family’s plan will go exactly as they had hoped. There are likely to be disagreements, mistakes, and arguments along the way. Families that are able to give each other grace and come back together quickly to continue moving forward are far more successful in the long run. It is quite often that a family may be moving quickly towards a goal and have a bad month of spending, either because of not sticking to their plan or because something unexpected happened. Successful families do not allow a bad month to derail them from continuing to pursue their goal. They give grace to one another and hold each other accountable to continue moving toward their goal the next month. A typical time a good plan can run into some bumps is around Christmas. The holiday season can bring out the worst in our spending habits, make it difficult to stick to our plan because of abnormal schedules, and cause some additional stressors in staying on the same page with decision making. Families that give grace and persevere towards their goal are able to move past a bad month or season and ultimately continue to pursue their goals together.

God + Family + Financial Wisdom = Stewardship

At the end of the day, every family has an opportunity to do the best they can with the resources God has given them. Regardless of how much money a family makes, families that know their purpose, communicate intentionally, and persevere when the plan goes off course can be better off financially, and even improve their relationships with one other. All of us love and care about our families, so may we be proactive in communicating with our families by intentionally bringing them around the subject of money and the resources with which God has blessed us.